


Absent Parents

by Dragon-Who-Writes (orphan_account)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Absent Parents, Comfort/Angst, Comforting Castiel, Gen, M/M, Post-Episode: s12e03 The Foundry, Sad Dean, Season/Series 12 Spoilers, Shitty Childhood, cas talks to dean, i had a lot of feelings okay, i wrote this at 3am, is this any better?, probably not, the ending sucked
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-28
Updated: 2016-10-28
Packaged: 2018-08-27 14:08:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8404600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Dragon-Who-Writes
Summary: Dean calls Cas after the horrible ending to 12.03 and Cas helps Dean work through these emotions instead of them bottling them up like they inevitably will in the actual show.





	

“Hey Cas,” Dean almost whispers into the phone, trying to keep the tears from falling down his face.  
“Hey Dean! How was your day?” the Angel says, walking over to his truck. Crowley hearing this would be a nightmare.  
Dean’s heart stops at that question. Um. Shitty. The worst goddamn fucking day since his mom died. “Um. Okay. Solved the case.”  
“What? What’s wrong?”  
“Mom,” Dean takes a shaky breath. He can’t start crying again. If he does, he might not stop. “Mom left.” Nope there goes the water works. Fuck.  
Cas starts the truck as Crowley shoots him a dirty look, and then flips him off as he begins to speed away.  
“What do you mean she left?”  
“Um. She said she couldn’t handle this. That she was still mourning us for who we used to be, you know when were little and how we looked in heaven. And she just left.”  
“I’ll be there as soon as I can. I really wish I still had wings.”  
“No. No. Cas. It’s fine. I will be fine. You don’t have to come back, you’re hunting Lucifer. That’s more important.”  
“Don’t worry, Crowley is looking into. Not to mention, Dean, your mom just left you after coming back from the grave. You aren’t fine. I’m coming home.”  
“I guess that is why I called you.”  
“I know it is.”  
“Wait, did you say Crowley was hunting Lucifer?” Dean asks, suddenly distracted from his own grief. Latching on to this one, small detail like his life depended on it.  
“Yes. I did. We can talk about it later. I think we teamed up, though.”  
Dean shakes his head and lets out a small, sad laugh, “There is no way that ends well.”  
“I know. I will be there in the morning, Dean. Don’t do anything stupid before then. Just try to get some sleep.”  
“Okay.” Dean chokes out, distraction gone.  
The line goes dead, and Cas spends the 14 hour drive with this sinking feeling in his gut, like every second he isn’t with Dean, it's hurting him. Like Cas could magically fix 30+ years of bad parenting decisions if he had just been there, with Dean.  
Dean on the other hand spends the night drinking. He takes Cas’s advice. He tries to get some sleep, and well, he can’t sleep. And if you’re a Winchester who can’t sleep, you drink. Sam drinks the night away too. Both son paralyzed by fear and grief, though in two very different ways.  
The morning delivers many things: the sun, temporary relief from alcohol, and Cas. Well,  
Cas brings the temporary relief from alcohol when he grabs the bottle from Dean’s hands.  
“Hey!” slurs Dean and he’s halfway through a string of curses before he realizes the hand that took his beer belongs to Cas.  
“You’re back.”  
“I said I would be. And you said you’d go to sleep.”  
“Couldn’t sleep. So you know.” Dean mumbles as he tries to stand. He just ends up falling back on the bed.  
Cas shakes his head and sits down next to him. “Do you want to talk about it?”  
“Nope.”  
“Don’t you think it might help?”  
“Probably, but us Winchesters tend to bottle our anger and frustration and self-loathing and punch ghosts instead.”  
Cas rolls his eyes, “And how has that been working out?”  
“Not well.”  
“So talk.”  
Dean sighs. Dramatically. Drunkenly. “So we got back from the hunt. And mom was super awesome and badass and just like the coolest mom ever and I say something about being home. And then she launches into this whole thing, but the gist of it was she was still mourning who we used to be and she was all like ‘I miss John and little Sam and little Dean and you just remind me of everything I missed.’ And then she just says she needs to go and hugs Sam and says she loves him and then she says she loves both of us and then she just left. Mom left.”  
Dean starts crying. Not normal controlled tears, but the tears you cry when your will to live has been ripped from your body and you don’t know how to move forward. Cas sits there for a minute, just letting Dean cry. One thing Cas has learned about humans is that sometimes they just need to cry. Sometimes you have to go through the pain to fix it. Then Cas hugs Dean, and holds him until he calms down enough to talk.  
“Why does everyone leave me Cas?”  
“What do you mean?”  
“Everyone leaves me Cas. I have spent my entire life being left. By Mom and Sammy and Dad and every girl I ever loved who said my life was too much. By Bobby and Jo and Ellen. For fucks sake, even Crowley basically dumped me that one time. Everyone leaves. Am I really that horrible. I mean you see these happy people on tv and walking down the street. The ones with moms and dads who didn’t die or abuse them. And now she left me twice. Twice! Who’s formerly dead mother leaves them? Am I that fucking hard to be around?”  
Cas sits in stunned silence for a moment. “I haven’t left Dean. And most of those people you named, died. And they loved you until the day they died. They may be gone Dean, but there is nothing wrong with you. You just happen to have a shitty and dangerous job.”  
“Yeah but my family left me. So many fucking times. Do you know how many times Sam has left? A lot. And Dad. Oh Dad was a whole other story. But Mom. She was always kind of safe. Yeah she died, and I always wished I grew up with her. I had accepted she would be a happy memory. But when she came back. I thought I finally got that. I thought I finally had a chance at a normal family, and she chose to leave me.”  
“Yeah she did.”  
“Well thanks Cas. I feel so much better.”  
“No. I mean. Yes she did leave, but it had nothing to do with you.”  
“She literally said she was leaving because we reminded her of lost time.”  
“Okay. Yes, but it was nothing you did Dean. She loves you so much. But also it shouldn’t matter.”  
“What do you mean? She’s my mom. How could she not matter to me?”  
“Biologically speaking yes, but Jodie or Ellen could be scene as more of a mother to you than Mary ever was. And that wasn’t her fault of course, but it doesn’t change the facts. You were chasing something that could never happen. You were trying to rewrite the past, and she was trying to survive in the present. Those two worlds could never collide. Not really.”  
Dean rubbed his face with his hands and stood up. “I just thought this would be different. I’ve wanted this for so long. I mean I accepted I wouldn’t have normal a while ago. Around the time my brother came back from Lucifer’s cage without his soul. But I thought that maybe our family would be a little more whole. Not perfect, but maybe perfectly fucked up. Hunting, but supportive. Just take what the three of us have and add in my mom.”  
“Yeah. I understand that.”  
“But instead of getting that. She leaves. And that's kinda ruined the good memories from when I was little. I don’t know why. It’s stupid. Sorry Cas.” Dean relaxed a bit as he sat back down next to Cas.  
“No. It’s fine. I mean. I guess I can see where you are coming from. When I first came to Earth and met you and then all of that stuff happened where I realized how corrupt heaven was. And then finding out God is not what I pictured. It kind of ruined a lot of that normal home stuff for me too.”  
“It did?”  
“Yes. But the difference is I think your mom will come back. You will get new memories with her.”  
“I don’t know. She seemed pretty determined to leave.”  
“She loves you too much never to see you again. You just remind her too much of the life she wanted to have, before she died, with a man who is now also dead. The wound is too raw. It needs time to heal.”  
Dean sighed and laid his head on Cas’s lap. “Yeah you’re right. Thanks for coming, Cas. You’re always there. Whenever I need someone to save me, you do.”  
“No problem Dean. What are friends for?”  
“You’re more than a friend to me.”  
“I love you, Dean.”  
“I love you too, Cas.”  
Cas sat there, running his hands through Dean’s hair as he slept. He remembered what he said to Mary about not fitting in on Earth. Not feeling like there was a place he belonged. But this is it. Right here. With Dean Winchester.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this at 3am so um sorry. I know this is kinda short and lacking in actual plot, mostly just feelings. But I was thinking of doing a Sam chapter. Let me know if you are interested.


End file.
